Expectations...

"There's a reason why people say we shouldn't expect too much, no one wants to see someone they care about end up disappointed. We instinctively act to protect our own from being hurt, and do what we can to make the right choices for people we love. But the reason we have expectations in the first place, is because we want to aim as high as we can. Because when you love someone, there's no limit to what you can accomplish." Heard this at a time when I probably needed to hear it the most. Was going through one of those phases where whoever u turn to is so engrossed in their own lives that there is no time for anyone else. It is at these times that you feel you should have had more people you could turn to in the first place but that doesn't solve the problem. Because no matter no matter how many people you are close to there is bound to come a time when they all will be busy. So you are back to square one. You may ask, where do expectations fit in all of this. Having that expectation from a close friend is the reason you called them up in the first place. You wanting your closest friends to be there is your expectations. You wanting them to understand that you are going through a low phase is your expectation. Every relation has its expectations. No matter how much try not to expect, no matter how much you convince yourself that you are not looking forward to something from that person, the expectations will always be there. They may be hidden but there none the less. Frankly, the closer you are to people the more the expectations there will be. Its human nature. But those expectations will differ from people to people. I am not saying they won't be there. They will be there, no doubt about that. They will just be something that you have suppressed, because you know that by expecting those things you will hurt yourself. Getting hurt is the biggest reason people don't want to have expectations. This is where that dialogue makes so much of sense. If you love someone, be it your parents, siblings, friends, boyfriend, girlfriend, you will always have those expectations, both from yourself and them. The expectations you have from yourself will make you a better person because you will always want to achieve more to make the other person happy. The expectations that you have from the other person will make you a better father, mother, sister, friend, because what you expect from them is somewhere what you do for them. So to expect more you will always do more for them. So having expectations is not bad. It’s actually good, provided you draw a line somewhere. You should have expectations in the sense that you should do what you would expect in return but after doing that you should forget the expectation. Because that is what hurts. That expectation that because i did something the other person should also reciprocate is what pulls us down. Because if our expectations are not fulfilled, we don't make the same effort the next time and that is what causes problems in the relationship. So expect the most from yourself because that is in your hand to give and achieve. Expect the best from others but be prepared for the worst because that way you will enjoy and appreciate every little action and gesture of theirs.

Forgive, forget or accept??

"They say 'Forgive and Forget' but i say 'Forget about forgiving and start accepting'"...Heard this in a movie recently and it got me thinking. How easy is it to forget, forgive or even accept? When people say that, they have forgotten a fight or a nasty episode, are they being honest? Do we forget those things or do we just push them to the back of our minds? Personally I believe that where we may still forgive people we don't ever forget, not if we were hurt in a big way or if it was really important to us. Out of the three accepting is the easiest and actually the first step. We can't forgive till we don't accept, and we definitely can't forget till we don't forgive. But is accepting something that easy? The other day I was having a conversation and said that I have accepted this fact. The rebuttal came that you have not accepted because you wanted to but because you had to; you accepted because not accepting meant you loosing something very important. I could not disagree because in essence that was true. I had accepted because that person was important to me and not accepting meant me getting hurt. So did that mean that I had not accepted that fact? Thinking about it made me realize that I had accepted that fact. Initially it may not have been acceptance and it may have been just me coming to terms with certain facts but eventually it led to acceptance. So coming back to the original question....forgive, forget or accept? The easiest of the three is definitely to accept and it may not be instant acceptance either. But ya eventually if that person or that thing is important to us we come to terms with it and eventually we accept.

When to move on....

Yesterday a friend of mine asked me a question - when do u you move forward? When do you stop pushing and start accepting? At that time, being overly optimistic and in a generally happy mood, i replied that I know when not to give up. It is when you are the most down and out that you should stick it out. My logic being that if you are at your lowest then you have pretty much hit rock bottom so there is no way to go but UP. Things are definitely bound to improve. When things returned to normal, for me that is, I actually thought that when do u stop pushing? When do you let things be? When do you realise that this is the time to walk away?? Is it when you have fallen for the 100th time? Or is it when you have wasted 30 min trying to get your thoughts in order for the millionth time? I guess it all depends on who you are, where you come from and how important is that thing or person in the first place!! Somewhere we humans have a tendency to follow the extreme path in life...either we will be overly optimistic or utterly pessimistic. Very few of us have actually learned the art of balancing the two emotions/feelings. Coming back to the point...when is enough too much? After much thinking and contemplating this is what i came up with....When that someone or something becomes bigger than who you are, it is a good time to sit and think where is it headed. When you get hurt more than you can handle it is probably a good time to introspect. When you start making things difficult for not only yourself but others around you, it is time to question yourself about what you are doing. I am not saying that we should not follow our dreams or that we shouldn't listen to our heart. Neither am I saying that you should give up easily, especially, if it is something that is of the uttermost importance. All I am saying is that maybe at times just letting things go is a better option. Maybe there is something much better for us out there, and all we have to is open up our minds and hearts for us to realize that it exists. Destiny has something in store for us; we just need to trust it!!!!