LOST is what I was...have been for some time now. Lost to the extent where I didn’t care...about ANYTHNING. By anything I mean anything everything...be it my studies, my friends, things happening around me...my family...there was a detachment which was disturbing for everyone around me. Indifference to the extent where I didn’t have anything to say when my closest friend was down, where not talking to anyone was just fine, where nothing seemed interesting. I was in a place where I was anything but happy...and happy I should have been. I was doing a course which had been a dream for ever so long, surrounded by people who loved me and wanted me around them. So then where was the happiness, the feeling of things being ok...being good? Why was there a void inside me?? A void which nothing seemed to fill...an indifference which nothing seemed to erase. This was the state of my mind with which I set out to the beach with a couple of my friends. I can now safely say that it was the best thing I could have done for myself.
Sitting on the sand, watching the sun set, the breeze flowing around me and the waves crashing in front of me, it was a scene from a picture. So logically I should have been happy but no...my brain the devil that it is refused to be at peace here also and my ever so faithful heart also played its part. Sitting there all I could think was about things which were wrong there....ignoring the things which were right....and so the time went by. Without realising I got lost in the water and its vastness, its darkness and its mystery. The farther I looked the darker it became until suddenly I realised that all was not dark. My brain suddenly registered the white which would puncture the darkness of water. The colour of waves forming and crashing!! The blackness created by stillness was being coloured by the thrashing of the waves. And suddenly there I was, standing near the waters’ edge just looking ahead...my mind a complete blank...and then the first wave of water hit my feet jolting me out of my daze. Looking at the waves made me realise some things:
1) Thousands of droplets make a wave rendering them inconsequential alone. The same drops would be priceless in a desert.
2) Infinite waves are generated and yet a few brushed my feet and even fewer swamped my feet.
3) Footprints no matter how deeply engraved were eventually washed away
4) My desire to not get wet was not a deterrent to the water
Any sane person at this point would say SO WHAT?? These are all basic facts not rocket science and I completely agree. No rocket science here just like there is no rocket science in understanding life. Each of these points brought out certain facts into perspective...made me see things in a different light
1) Everything and everyone has a worth somewhere which is priceless.
2) Out of thousands of people you meet in a lifetime some are going to be closer and some are just gonna swamp you and there is nothing that you can do about it because that’s just how life is
3) Nothing is permanent, no matter what. Things, people, events change.
4) Some people are always going to exist in your life no matter what. It’s better to appreciate them sooner than later
Lost deep in thought was where I was when a hand crept up. And I found myself surrounded by my friends highlighting the most basic fact of life...you can run and you can hide but life will always ensure you are surrounded by people who love you and whom you love.
With that we walked towards the road heading back to our campus.
My questions were not answered and neither did the truth of life dawn upon me but I definitely got the energy and motivation to care again, to feel again...to want things again!!!
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